This is a inner-reflection of what happens when you try to write a sermon after consuming a latte at Seven Stars with too much caffeine. Instead of a sermon, you get a poem, and a prayer. You never know what life will bring.
Veins feel like they're bursting . . . Self! Keep it together.
So excited to be so insane. I feel like I'm spinning out of control.
And I love it! But wait, I'm usually a control freak. Should I be concerned?
Nah.
An entire sabbatical to write and I struggled to formulate a solitary thought.
Now, would it were that time would freeze
And an infinite string of letters, words, passions cloaked in thoughts would come racing forth.
With the fury of A large breaking wave but the volume and speed of floodwater rushing through the constricted opening of a broken dam.
Inspired. The thoughts are rushing so quickly that the speed multiplies itself and adds excitement.
Not enough speaking slots. When will I write this all? Who cares?!
This feeling carries all the exhilaration of a an upside-down roller coaster and a ride that spins but without the nausea.
Mindful moments and slowing down. Yes. But now the speed and excitement of passion, passing through my mind like a race car, with a whoosh of air, now another, in this moment and the next.
Can barely make it out. What is it?
Huh. There's this beauty I see in noticing quickly, even deeply, but not being able to think.
Like words of prayer that suddenly rush out. Coming from deep within and hurrying to escape the pink prison bars while the jailbreak hasn't yet been stopped by the sponge-like prison guard who mistakes the innocence for insanity. May the drug-induced thoughts of this wild soul find their way onto a page and into the hearts of my dear congregation.
Postscript - I can't help but feel that the main issue to address, in so many communities, and I speak personally too, is the difficulty involved in being in touch with our inner lives. It's so foundational for our religious lives, for our relationships, for ourselves. That's why I've been focusing so heavily on mindfulness and chasidut at my shul and in my personal religious practice. In the spirit of relevance, that's what I'll be blogging about this year. Sometimes I'll be sharing my own insides; sometime's I'll write about it all.
